to put us within one

The rain has been ceaseless the whole day. Before this moment, a network of those older than me, from just a bit to quite a lot, have stressed the importance of victory. For vicariously they can live through the legacy you create for an instant. I place the ball on the field, teamates behind me. We are already losing, and time has shifted from our side to theirs. I see blue and white hoops in front of me, standing still in the rain.

The routine is easy. In practice I did it all the time, under all sorts of imaginary conditions. All sorts of self created pressures. Seam in line with the outer post. Three back, two left, the sideways motion a but stunted for personal preference. I, of all people know myself. Deep breath...follow the line of the ball to the post. All I see is the a pool of water, the rain causing incessant ripples on the field. The patter suddenly seems a lot louder. I trace the line again and again, twice more than I usually do. My socks are bundled down to my ankles, a catchment area for mud. The swoosh on my feet is nowhere to be seen, it is covered in grass. I shift around on the spot, trying to get some motion into my legs. Each shift is accompanied by water being squeezed out of my boots. I realize I am taking too long, thinking too much. One more glance, two steps....THWACK!

From the sideline, I can hear a reaction.

On Death and Dying

Let me not pray to be sheltered from
dangers facing but to be fearless in facing
them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's
battlefiled but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;
but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

Rabindranath Tagore
Fruit-Gathering

Death is still a fearful, frightening happening, and the fear of death is a universal one, even if we think we have mastered it on many levels.